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Author Topic: do u guys think ill get a A in English?  (Read 3843 times)

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tylerhan2000

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do u guys think ill get a A in English?
« on: January 13, 2011, 04:33:49 am »
my story summary and review:
   The story of The Snowgoose begins with the description of the small and abandoned marsh of Wicklaeldroth. The author Paul Gallico, adds in stunning detail, how each piece of indigenous refuge functions and joins together simultaneously to form a also surreal and magical place like this. Clearly from the setting, one sees a lonely and desolate place, devoid of human life, but also a majestic sanctuary for mother nature herself. As we read on, we understand this peaceful and undisturbed wonderland, as we could almost read beyond the book and touch the mossy, wet, and golden plain, with the sea salty air going through our noses and our brains digesting it. We could almost hear the sounds of nature humming in sync and making a wondrous melody that brings harmony upon the land. Then we are slowly sharply interrupted of this sensational experience with the description of a man that no one can accept, a man with a tender and soft heart and a rock hard skin of mud. The ample details the author gives us really allows us to be standing there and looking around at this amazing and untouched sanctuary.


Rezlind

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Re: do u guys think ill get a A in English?
« Reply #1 on: January 13, 2011, 10:41:49 am »
my story summary and review:
   The story of The Snowgoose begins with the description of the small and abandoned marsh of Wicklaeldroth. The author, Paul Gallico, adds in stunning detail, how each piece of indigenous refuge functions and joins together simultaneously to form a surreal and magical place like this. From the setting, one sees a lonely and desolate place, devoid of human life, but also a majestic sanctuary for mother nature. As we read on, we understand this peaceful and undisturbed wonderland, as we could almost read beyond the book and touch the mossy, wet, and golden plain, with the sea salty air going through our noses and our brains digesting it. We could almost hear the sounds of nature humming in sync and making a wondrous melody that brings harmony upon the land. Then we are slowly sharply interrupted of this sensational experience with the description of a man that no one can accept, a man with a tender and soft heart and a rock hard skin of mud. The ample details the author gives us really allows us to be standing there and looking around at this amazing and untouched sanctuary.

Made a few changes, take a look at the bold areas and revise them. Don't use "and" repeatedly after listing things, use a comma instead.

Example of what not to do:

I went to the store and bought rice and bread and condoms.

Should be:

I went to the store and bought rice, bread, and condoms.

apij4125

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Re: do u guys think ill get a A in English?
« Reply #2 on: January 13, 2011, 02:43:29 pm »
@Rizlend lol.

tylerhan2000

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Re: do u guys think ill get a A in English?
« Reply #3 on: January 13, 2011, 11:41:57 pm »
Thanks!
you really helped me there! :D


Rezlind

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Re: do u guys think ill get a A in English?
« Reply #4 on: January 14, 2011, 04:33:10 am »

Rezlind

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Re: do u guys think ill get a A in English?
« Reply #5 on: January 14, 2011, 09:40:23 am »