Could maybe use some help

[Chief149]

First off if you are going to be immature at all then just don't bother reading.


Basically I am a 17 year old teenage guy who will be turning 18 in October. If you don't believe me there is a thread I posted a picture of myself in (I don't want to look like some freaky pedo here). I currently have a girlfriend who lives in South Carolina. She and I met at the school I go to, but then she had to move to another state, so now I only get to see her every once in a while. She's also one of only two people I know in real life who know about the cuts on my wrist (or at least the scars that resulted from them),and there's a third person, but I didn't want him to know so I tricked him into thinking they were bad scratches from my cat, and he was 100% convinced. As far as my girlfriend knows I don't cut anymore. In fact, I thought I was over it as well, but the thing is I still have the suicidal feeling in me, and really the only reason I haven't done it is because I have her, but one night I hit a real low after work, and had to fight myself to not just floor the accelerator while driving in the oncoming lane until hitting a car head-on with a lethal force. And then last night I hit a low again, and tried listening to Hollywood Undead like I would usually do since that normally calms me back down, but instead I ended up resorting to the ultra-sharp razor blades that I had hidden a couple months ago which I originally took out of a shaver, and tonight I feel like doing it again. Basically I'm saying this here because I don't know any of you in real life, and none of you all have contact with anyone I know in real life, and I can't tell anyone I know in real life. I just can't because, well, idk why. I just can't handle telling stuff like this to people I know in real life. It was hard typing this up, and if I actually posted this then it took a bit of effort because that's how much of a resistance I have to asking out for help. I guess that's kinda what I'm finally doing, but honestly, you all are the only people I can express this to, being as I don't know you in real life, nor do I have connections with you all.
I'm not posting this to troll, to get my post count up, to get attention, or anything else. This is real stuff about me. I hate this feeling I have that I can't shake. It bothers me.

[Alber_Oliva]

I've had this happen to a close friend of mine. She was going through the same thing, she would also have the same thoughts as you mentioned. I can tell you now that this is not healthy. None of us here can really help with what you're going through, though I sympathize. I suggest getting help by either talking to someone you trust, or use your upcoming adult rights to set an appointment with a physiatrist. I wish you luck 

[Chief149]

There's no way I can talk to a psychiatrist. First off, I'll probably just be given a prescription. Secondly I don't like the way they try to meddle with the mind. My mind has a bit of a "firewall", and part of it is having a high resistance to allowing people (at least face to face) to access those deeper parts of my mind.

[bhoughton]

well, ill be honest with you. I personally have had a very similar incident. I have had suicidal thoughts my whole life (I'm currently 16). My real first suicidal thought was when I was about 6 (a very young age) and I attempted suicide with knifes the reason for this is because my father left me, choosing to go with another woman over my mother and I. Recently about 3 years ago my thoughts came back up again, after my father yet again came into my life and left me. 2 years ago I was sexually harassed by a boy in my grade. During that period of time (about 3 months) i attempted suicide, but could never do it with knifes, so, I tried something different. One afternoon i attempted suicide by tying a piece of rope to my Palladio and the other around my neck (strongly suggest not trying it), however, the rope snapped. again, this year i was sexually harassed by a girl, though i didn't attempt suicide the thoughts were still there.

So the reason why i am telling you this is because i strongly suggest speaking to a councilor or someone you can really trust. Yes i know, you hear that all the time and people sometimes ignore it, but trust me, it will help a lot.
during my time of struggles I talked to my girlfriend, Julia, she helped my through my entire time. Don't be afraid to talk about things, after all it will help so much. trust me.

wen't to try and post this but another post came up.

There's no way I can talk to a psychiatrist. First off, I'll probably just be given a prescription.

They wont give you a prescription (i hope). They'll just talk about things, how you're doing, whats been going on etc

[SalsaInABowl]

O_O I never knew about you guys like this... Well you guys are really strong for that. Sympathy achieved. I wouldn't know what to do, but this happened to my friend before, and I would say: do NOT go to a council. My friend almost got sent to a mental hospital for that...

Anyways, I think we can agree that it really makes us feel trusted if you can tell it to us.