Opticraft Community
Discussion forum => Offtopic => Topic started by: PsYk0Wo1F on April 23, 2012, 05:38:22 am
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tried writing something creative today and this is all i could come up with :(
"i was minding my own business when you stole my heart,
you cherished it like it was a piece of art.
it was there for you on your queue,
there for you when you were feeling blue.
my heartbeat was music made just for you,
it made me believe love at first sight was true.
but then it grew old and it felt cold,
the music made for you no longer had a hold.
now im falling apart, im nothing without my heart.
i dont have that work of art.
its still in its box, you still have the key
you still own that part of me.
I wrote this poem for you but now its too late
all you feel is regret and hate :’("
im pretty sure its about ella.. i cant think who else it could be about :(
i thought i was over her...
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You are an awesome poet!
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Dont worry you will get seconds
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this is the first time ive ever tried writing poetry properly. i thought i sucked.
and i dont think ill get seconds, she doesnt want to talk anymore T_T
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this is the first time ive ever tried writing poetry properly. i thought i sucked.
and i dont think ill get seconds, she doesnt want to talk anymore T_T
PsY, You show her that poem. You have agsolutley nothing to lose according to that poem. That was a great poem, we make poems at school and yours rhymed....
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i should show her..?
she has no feelings left though, wouldnt it make her want to avoid me because she knows i still love her?
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Whats her username and i will do it for you.
Ill do because you dont give up you reach for things you want.
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hahaha she doesnt play minecraft >.<
i put it here because i know she wont see it.
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Just print this of and tell 1 of her friends to give it to her.
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hahaha.... okay...
you really think i should show her?0.o
she doesnt even want to talk anymore shes trying to pretend i never existed
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hahaha.... okay...
you really think i should show her?0.o
she doesnt even want to talk anymore shes trying to pretend i never existed
Do you feel the same?
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hahaha.... okay...
you really think i should show her?0.o
she doesnt even want to talk anymore shes trying to pretend i never existed
Do you feel the same?
no :( i want totalk toher and be best friends again..
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hahaha.... okay...
you really think i should show her?0.o
she doesnt even want to talk anymore shes trying to pretend i never existed
Do you feel the same?
no :( i want totalk toher and be best friends again..
Hello this is love service why did you break up?
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Your second-third couplet is breaking the pattern of the rhyme scheme. The both share the same consonance rhyming, which doesn't follow the scheme of the rest of the poem. However, it does work if you intended for a caesura between the third-fourth couplet (however, I assume their isn't based on the lack of proper leger).
The afflatus is clearly seen through the eyes of lost love, once experiencing love but left with a broken heart (although this is unclear, between the fourth-fifth couplet it lacks explanation as to what happened to the teller. I personally would've added an extra couplet between these two).
Otherwise, its good. You aren't using any unstressed syllables, and it seems to flow rather nicely as a story.
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Your second-third couplet is breaking the pattern of the rhyme scheme. The both share the same consonance rhyming, which doesn't follow the scheme of the rest of the poem. However, it does work if you intended for a caesura between the third-fourth couplet (however, I assume their isn't based on the lack of proper leger).
The afflatus is clearly seen through the eyes of lost love, once experiencing love but left with a broken heart (although this is unclear, between the fourth-fifth couplet it lacks explanation as to what happened to the teller. I personally would've added an extra couplet between these two).
Otherwise, its good. You aren't using any unstressed syllables, and it seems to flow rather nicely as a story.
Hahaha thanks :) and yeah i didnt realise that..
And this was my first try >.< hahaha
hahaha.... okay...
you really think i should show her?0.o
she doesnt even want to talk anymore shes trying to pretend i never existed
Do you feel the same?
no :( i want totalk toher and be best friends again..
Hello this is love service why did you break up?
She lost her feelings for me and realise i wasnt the right guy for her
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You should really write more poems. You are really good at it.
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hahaha... thanks :)
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she wont be seeing it. long story.
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Why?
I have all day.
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i called her to say happy birthday yesterday.
she handed the phone to her friend and started shouting "tell him to fuck off" making sure i could hear it.
she reacted so badly to something as simple as listening to me say "happy birthday, have a wonderful day :) bye"
therefore, she is a waste of time. im giving up, moving on, cant be bothered with her anymore.
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Good you should move on she is a total bitch and a half...
No offence to younger viewers
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i am a younger viewer. LOLOL
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Oh...
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Please don't take this the wrong way as I don't actually know you at all, but from my experience this is the sort of thing you'll cringe about when you're older.
When I had a similar thing around the same age as you I found using Bruce Lee's technique of getting past bad memories to be quite useful (I still use it today):
Imagine writing down the negative thoughts/memories you have on a piece of paper. Then once you can see them all clearly written on the paper, imagine scrunching it up and throwing it in a fire (a sort of "fuck that" mentality works well here).
I know that might sound retarded but it's a form of self-affirmation, people often use it in the opposite way (for example telling themselves that they can become the Heavyweight champion or they can get that promotion at their office/work etc).
Anyway, I recommend trying it out and it should help you move on with your life (also I'd recommend deleting that sprite in operator). You'll realise that all this drama you're experiencing is all bullshit and essentially it's largely self-inflicted. Don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting you're to blame but a lot of this is down to an unhealthy concoction of hormones + a sense of drama that (for me at least) peaks at around the age of 15-16.
I hope this comes across in the right way and that you don't think I'm sticking my two cents where it's not wanted but there's my advice anyway.
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Please don't take this the wrong way as I don't actually know you at all, but from my experience this is the sort of thing you'll cringe about when you're older.
When I had a similar thing around the same age as you I found using Bruce Lee's technique of getting past bad memories to be quite useful (I still use it today):
Imagine writing down the negative thoughts/memories you have on a piece of paper. Then once you can see them all clearly written on the paper, imagine scrunching it up and throwing it in a fire (a sort of "fuck that" mentality works well here).
I know that might sound retarded but it's a form of self-affirmation, people often use it in the opposite way (for example telling themselves that they can become the Heavyweight champion or they can get that promotion at their office/work etc).
Anyway, I recommend trying it out and it should help you move on with your life (also I'd recommend deleting that sprite in operator). You'll realise that all this drama you're experiencing is all bullshit and essentially it's largely self-inflicted. Don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting you're to blame but a lot of this is down to an unhealthy concoction of hormones + a sense of drama that (for me at least) peaks at around the age of 15-16.
I hope this comes across in the right way and that you don't think I'm sticking my two cents where it's not wanted but there's my advice anyway.
hahaha i understand :P i dont really want to remove the sprite though :/ im still proud of it i guess.
but ill think about it :) thanks
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Love can be the most beautiful thing in this world but it can also be the most tragic. :(
Psyko, I hope one day you'll move on and find your true soulmate.... :D
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You could change the name on the sprite from Ella to something...like Mom :p
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You could change the name on the sprite from Ella to something...like Mom :p
LOLOL you are one of the few people to have made me laugh out loud xD
Love can be the most beautiful thing in this world but it can also be the most tragic. :(
Psyko, I hope one day you'll move on and find your true soulmate.... :D
we can only hope :) thanks dj
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Today, I first read the topic.
1) The poem is really good. Kinda wierd words, without clear meaning to me (e.g. blue).
2) The only certain is that you will find another girlfriend. AS you ahve said, you organize meetings for coming week?!?
Dont worry PSy... Keep playing Minecraft to forget her.. Drink some Martini Sprite.. Its really good..:P
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Today, I first read the topic.
1) The poem is really good. Kinda wierd words, without clear meaning to me (e.g. blue).
2) The only certain is that you will find another girlfriend. AS you ahve said, you organize meetings for coming week?!?
Dont worry PSy... Keep playing Minecraft to forget her.. Drink some Martini Sprite.. Its really good..:P
blue means sad, its like a metaphor? :P
and yeah :) the dates just didnt end up happening.. =.=
and i cant drink, im underage :)
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You could change the name on the sprite from Ella to something...like Mom :p
LOLOL you are one of the few people to have made me laugh out loud xD
I try :P